


Countdown

by Szeszely



Category: Football RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Difficult Decisions, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Last Kiss, Love, M/M, Rainbows, Sacrifice, Sea, Sunshine - Freeform, Symbolism, Undying Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-23
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2018-03-19 06:49:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3600315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Szeszely/pseuds/Szeszely
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ten seconds in thousand words</p>
            </blockquote>





	Countdown

**Author's Note:**

> Look what I have found while I've been sorting out my files! Okay, this is the usual sentimental mess from me, but I still give it a chance that maybe a couple of you will like it. :)

 

 

 **Zehn** **.** The wind blows and the salty breeze make me shiver. We are in the middle of nothing and only the sound of the waves breaks the solemnity. You seem calm and ready, staring ahead at the swirling white froth. The sea is like **you** , blue and infinite. Your face is still flushed from our lovemaking and it reminds me of the evenings when the Sun kisses the water goodnight, giving it a rosy blush before the darkness comes. You look at me and I shake my head pleadingly, but it just makes you sad.

**Neun. ** I’ve tried to make you change your mind, but you are smart and we know too much. Even if we had as many **lives** as cats, we couldn’t have lived them, there’s not enough place on Earth for the next generations of people, who come to life only to destroy what seems given. Compassion is dying out of the world while we are keeping our eyes closed in hopes of a better future. I know you want to save me from the pain life promises, but this doesn’t mean I’m not hurt at all for losing our dream. At least I thought it was ours.

**Acht. ** You approach me and cup your hands around my face gently as if I’m fragile. We hold each other’s gaze before our lips meet and it’s too sweet to be the last. I need to breathe, we need to part, there’s no **oxygen** under the surface. But I would rather drown in your warmth and safety than jump into the unknown pledge of cold depth in front of us. This is not what I have imagined. I dreamt of soft pillows, lukewarm milk and wrinkled foreheads pressed together as the now turns into past. Your tongue is moving with mine in a slow dance between _come_ and _stay_. I can never win against you, therefore we go.

**Sieben. ** You say the shimmering sunshine makes my hair glisten and I glance at the rainbow it paints onto the sky. There are seven vivid colors forming one continuous arc: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet. It’s **me** , you murmur. The peace, the hope, the link between heaven and earth. I feel like crying, because then why do you want to leave?

“I need you to cling onto when we fall, need to see your eyes before… I need you, Bastian. I want to do it with you, together.”

It stabs my heart, but this is what I have chosen, where I belong – to you. When you laugh, I laugh, when you shout at me, I shout at you. When you jump, I jump with you.

 

 **Sechs. ** The die is cast. We are standing on the edge of the black cliff that solemnly looms over the bay. I’m weeping quietly and you brush my tears off with a smile.

“Your tears are diamonds, Basti. **Perfection** shouldn’t be wasted for wrong reasons.” And yet you want to leap off the rock.

I bury my face into your neck, inhaling your scent and trying to memorize every detail. I know I won’t need memories anymore, but close to the end the regret of not collecting enough makes me restless and unreasonable.

 

 **Fünf. ** You entwine our **fingers** and pull them close to your chest, right above your heart so that I can feel your heartbeat. I shouldn’t think of how alive it feels, but I can’t will away the thoughts, the memories of pulsing blood and volatile happiness on wet sheets. I still have the ring you gave me after the very first time I let you in and I feel some sort of relief when I spot the glint of yours on your finger. I’ve always wished for endless laughter and no tears, more time and less fear and you gave me those as long as you could. When you realised this cruel place doesn’t allow it anymore, you didn’t let me suffer. You made the hardest decision of our lives and followed through with it.

**Vier. ** I can see all the **seasons** in your eyes, the calm of winter, spring’s joy, summer’s heat and the quiet farewell of autumn. I remember how many times I have seen you like this throughout our youth and I would chuckle if we didn’t have to do this for real. But way too soon, we do have to. Like the first time we have ever experienced loss, you pull me close and press your lips into my hair where it meets my forehead, maybe to give me the strength I failed to gain.

**Drei. ** You told me you didn’t know what would be the last **words** you utter and I used to wonder what I would want them to be. Time to time I have favored one over the others and I thought about an answer, about what you would need to hear. Now, the time has come to make the last decision and my mouth fails, because suddenly I want to say them all at once. I want you to know I’ll miss you, I want to say a thank you, I want to whisper _Lukas, Lukas, Lukas_ forever.  

“I love you.” Your voice is shaking and I realize for the first time in my life what those words really imply. I repeat it and you squeeze my hand.

**Zwei. ** My mind cannot process anymore, I’m dreaming. I feel your muscles tense, ready for the final order and I take a look at you. I relive all the moments we spent together in the naïve bliss of adolescence and all of those we struggled through after life didn’t turn out to be the kind of what we expected. I can tell you are thinking about them too, running through as many as your mind can comprehend in one second. I feel your heart racing in time with mine, you breathe in complete synchrony with me. In this second, **we** are one.

**Eins. ** Silence.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Oxygen's atomic number is 8.  
> 6 is a perfect number mathematically and a dice ("die") has six square faces.
> 
> Tell me what you think! :)


End file.
